He's a comedian by night, a trainer by day. He had just finished his show at the Comedy Club next door and walked past Blue Martini and saw us. Decided to make acquaintance. There was no hesitation in his step. My friend makes us take a picture together. He gets all hugged up, his presence is non-threatening, I indulge him with a boo'd up picture. We stay acting silly and he keeps checking if I'm OK. He's not aggressive and stays in speech away from sexual innuendo. It was refreshing compared to all the dudes ready to stay rubbing themselves against your back. We end the night. They walk us back to our car. We're hugged up walking back and still laughing. I'm just about my own happiness at that time. It's nice to have a suitor who pursues but is gentleman like the way through. We keep talking at the car and it's entertaining. Then he keeps making comments about how come I'm single and talking about me in terms about being his wife. Both my friend and I were like..."WHoooOAA Buddy". This seems to be a common occurrence though. Guys claim me hard before I receive the Memo. It usually puts me off but he's so entertaining that I let it slip by. I can feel his connection to me is way deeper than I have to him. My insides stir with sympathy. He's on ocean level while mine is as shallow as a water puddle on asphalt. I pity him because he just walked into a closed door. He just hasn't realized it yet.
I know what I want out of a man. I know myself and I know I can't force a connection with person. I know who's for me and who isn't. This man is a great Mister Right-Now but not Mr. Right. Back to what was happening at that point of the night. He nearly well no he swears his undying allegiance for the rest of his life that he wants to prove to me he's a good man. I'm like, aww.. He's like "you know I make jokes but I'm pretty mature though." I say "well I could sense that because if you weren't I wouldn't have given you the time of day." Aa..I know some of you think I'm brutal...but I'm just brutally honest so there is limited space for confusion.
We kiss. Bliss continues because if he was bad pretty sure night would've been over asap.*chuckle* He's a fantastic kisser. I'm happy in the moment. No flicker of future just now. He said he wishes he could stay in this moment (aka my mouth). I'm like hmmm...ok...Give me my lips back lol. Now he's really puzzled why I'm single. He's like you're a great kisser, you say you know how to take care of a man, cook, and do all that. Why in tarnation are you single? Aahhh...they don't get that I could be with someone but I don't feen like that. I want to be with someone I'd like to spend the rest of my life being just who we are- no striving or pushing. A connection so simple, so easy, yet so intriguing that I'd like to explore it and build on it for the rest of my life. While I'm single I use my time well to build up my arsenal of adventures, skills in the kitchen and home, and more :-). It's not about being alone but learning to be fulfilled within myself. I truely can say I'm so happy with myself and the roads I've traveled. Some diversions could've been skipped but I learned so much. The after-effects of those moments gave me so much in terms of maturity.
So my friend coaxes him into driving me to the airport. My friend is crazy. I'm like...umm..I don't know if this man is a serial killer/rapist. He picks me up in the morning. He's all shy and ten notches down from where he was last night. He's nervous. I can tell. He keep bringing up having five babies. I'm like ain't no five babies coming out of this. And why we talking babies. We are just getting to know each other. He pumps up the music at times to fill the time. I just feel that it's so adorable ( as in isn't it adorable how the cat is trying to ploy away with a toy). He wants to connect. He knows he's on borrowed time. I'm leaving the country for an unknown time.
We pull over to a gas station. He comes by the passenger side and kisses me again. I push him away pretty quickly. He's trying to relive the "magic" of last night. He says to me to not forget him. I told him "you have my email and I'll send you my phone number from down there but I refuse to make any promises that I might break." He confesses that he hates being single. Red Flag my friends. More like a referee of soccer red card then a blaring red siren. I can understand it for him. He's the type that loves serious committed relationships. He's at that stage in his life. And I think men like that can recognize wife types which I am but I'm not the one to attach myself to every mookie that makes googly eyes at me. Unfortunately for him, I'm not there. I guess I'm still in my "playette" years. It's fun to have someone to entertain me at times but not someone who's going to pull deeply out of me. No, I keep finding my heart rejects that connection. It's not that I'm not open to it but I guess my ying hasn't found its yang yet.
We get to the airport. He helps me with my luggage. He emphasizes wanting to be remembered. Maybe he knows he has fierce competition. He wasn't the only one within these two days asking me to promise my undying devotion. We hug, make out a bit, and I say good-bye. A fun page about to be turned over as soon as I enter the airport. He hangs unto the moment like it's destiny. I see it as a fleeting cloud. Pleasant to look at but so fleeting. I text him when I get home and thank him for his kindness. He responds. In one text calls me baby. I hate being called baby. It implies a closeness we haven't broached yet. I tell him that and say that I hope he's not offended. I can def feel the withdrawal in the next steps as he calls me by my name and says that it's ok- and that he's old enough to deal with my wishes. End of conversation.
In me, though I know it's so fleeting, I want to text him and talk because honestly I'd appreciate some type of distraction right now. But I know it's not good for me and definitely not good for him. I'm already subtly breaking his heart. I really don't want to make it a habit of leaving a trail of broken hearts. A new guyfriend of mine were laughing about how we play the same game. He's like with how you do and what you say- you must've broken a lot of hearts. I don't think so but it might be the truth I refuse to believe. I'm just honest. Some things are moments, some are mistakes, some are pleasant memories for the future and I faithfully believe for the marriage of forever.
For now, I'm on a moment leading to forever. I pray for the casualties of the journey.
Smooches,
Sassy Island Gal
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