Why didn't I Get married?

You may consider him a lout or hail him as the renaissance man but Tyler Perry is one to start much cogitation. His crazy plots with subtle (or not so subtle) messages are usually at the forefront of much agitation. However, I cease and desist from taking shots at his lack of editorial talent and will focus on the semi-intelligent premise he does start his films with. 


Why Did I get Married really got me contemplating the reasons behind my underlying apprehension to enter in such a "permanent" union. I'm by no means a commitment-phobe. Relationships to me are beautiful. People who are doing marriage well hold a special place in my heart. But whenever someone talks marriage especially when I was in college. A sour distaste was left in my mouth when I was asked for the umpteenth time why I was single and not actively pursuing the ideal of marriage. Was it my strong feminist roots? My fear of being trapped? I didn't know but I did some internal digging and came up with some reasons.


Top reasons for not being married


1. I can do whatever I please, whenever I please, with whomever I please. I prize my independence, my ability to maneuver my life wherever I deem fit. If tomorrow I feel like moving to Ecuador and becoming a sheep herder. So, be it. The flip side of this argument is the underlying premise that once married, I will have to forfeit all my plans and independence to my husband. While this does hold some clout in some way, I've come to realize that in a successful relationship you want to do that. Furthermore, not every man ( at least good ones) will want to change your destiny. They liked you because of what you currently are and are striving to be.


2. I have to be a stay-at-home mom
Don't get me wrong. I love kids. I love the idea of nurturing the next generation of great leaders. But the thought of having to stay home all the time frightens me. I love to be out and about but when kids enter the picture it's different. On top of that, having only laundry, house-cleaning, knitting and I don't know what to keep me busy will probably drive me insane. I'm comforted by the fact that more than 60% of the female populations is actively employed (or seeking employment). Nannies, housekeepers and grandparents are an option in alleviating the burden of making "house". When the time comes, I will probably have some different sentiments but right now, I'm considering alternative options to house-making. Sure, not every woman who bears children becomes a homemaker however the tendency seems to be that the husband will want the woman to stay home with the kids. But I have to keep the belief that there are men out there who will support a woman's career instead of dousing it out.


3. Honestly, my trepidations about connubiality all boil down to the fact that I don't want to lose myself. Compromise and selflessness are cornerstones of marriage. Am I ready to forfeit myself for a lifetime for another person? I don't know, and that keeps me for now. The fact of  not knowing. My dreams are actualizing and my life is on the path that I've been envisioning. Life is great. And I don't want to mess that up. I steadfastly hold unto the hope that someday soon I will meet a man whose agenda isn't to change me but to appreciate me for who I am.


I think that most of us who are single (except the desperado crew) are holding out because we want that unconditional love. The love that appreciates us for who we are. And is in content in being that.


My parents have been married for over twenty-five years. I've seen the delights of marriage and the valleys of abysmal misery it can cause. Their long-standing commitment has imparted such respect in me for the institution of marriage that I don't want to enter it lightly.


My question to you is ..Why aren't you married?