Doing the same thing over and over expecting the same results- but that's what got Edison to invent the necessity that is the lightbulb. After his 10,000+ try he got it right. I'm sure he tweaked his approach each time but he kept at it. Hmm..I'm in the same situation of sorts. I have tried every avenue to stay in this crazy but enjoyable country still no dice. This whole America being in a recession really sucks bricks for talented internationals to obtain a job. So I'm on my way out unless magical things start happening and I get a job, a new apt (bc I just let my lease go), and a new VISA. Ahhhh..minor details to Jesus if He wants it done...so I hear..or believe?
But I'm SO HAPPY I pushed through every barrier and impossibility till now. I have no regrets except some credit card purchases I could've done without (lol- I was SUCH a shopaholic). Those attractive sales are the devil to me. However, after going through all the tumultuous times of being unemployed for four months- I am so grateful for all the lessons I learned. For all the trials I went through, the humility I gained, the priceless wisdom received- I walk away so satisfied and happy. America- you have given me the precious gift of a more seasoned maturity. Í'm grateful for life. Maturity you can't buy that, can't just build that- it takes some straining and testing life experiences to transform you. My soul is happy- completely at peace with the course of events.
I'm happy to walk away a more stable, sincere, and seasoned adult. Who can ask for more? Out of such sour lemons came the sweetest lemonade :-)
Peace & Love
Christie
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Rivers, Eden, & Battlefields
Some love like a flowing river, some like the private sanctuary of Eden, others like a broken battlefield. Discover the form of your loving. Tis the beauty of life to appreciate the intricate beauty of the heart of loving someone. We all love so differently.
Dedicated to Rome that fell
My lovely new friend showed me through her stream of loving that I am a barriered sanctuary. My arms outstretched to help yet when it comes to a man- he will have a time where he will need to persevere to get within my Eden. Eden is my deep emotional ground. The place where nobody but God and I dwell. So many try to get in yet this city still stands. It's not that I'm hard, siddity, or maybe I held unto the hurt of broken trust too long. I refuse to afford another round of broken heart, broken expectation, brokenness of my will, brokenness of mind. A broken spirit who has to gather the last girth and mirth she has within her to survive. I love hard, and I love unconditionally- so for you to break me like that and walk away- I don't have time for trifles. If you come with honesty and seriousness- I will answer to it and gradually open passage. Key word is gradual, I've jumped before and busted my face too many times. The little naive girl grew up, she learned to guard, she learned to be wise about her fragile heart. I already give a lot of myself to those around me- honesty is not a problem, care is not a problem, yet you cannot expect to walk in and rearrange my inner-sanctum to your liking. It took years to put all things proper in their place, to heal, to remove incorrect blockages, to drain the pipes of pain, to paint my mind the colors of hope, to expect greatness instead of shadiness. The peace which permeates my whole being is unexplainable so I can't just hand you the key. You've got to earn your trust. #thatsall
My friend confidence in reciprocated love flows like a river. She flows on and on- it keeps moving undeterred of obstacles, the hard rocks of desolation, the cesspools of bitter pain, the caves of obscurity. Her faith in love confidently flows forth like the Nile birthing new unions upon arrival of a fertilized field. I admire her courage. It strengthens me to vulnerability. To maybe just believe that I'd make it past another destroyed expectation. Yet I'm not in a hurry nor am I in desperation. My spirit sings within me that in due timing my love will come. Until then- enjoy the scenery, observe, and learn the laws that govern this intricate universe.
However, I never want to end up loving like broken battlefield. It's grounds soaked in the blood of its victims. Their bodies crying out to the living to avert their impending disaster. So many beautiful gardens disguise a massacre so atrocious; the stench alone would suffocate the life of the well-intentioned. Another grenade goes off, and another one bites the dust. Their survivors just shake their head in utter disbelief, words fail them to explain the abominable valley they went through. "Psycho, maniac, needy, dude..I just..vigorous smh" -all they can come up with to explain the fierce deception they endured. A broken battlefield needs to be disarmed, uprooting all the emotional minefields, the ground fertilized with hope to sprout flowers full with the aroma of innocence again. The little girl needing to be raised from the abyss of torture to see skies of possibility again. A task better left for Divine love.
I love. You Love. They Love.
one form my poison, His form my Life-Giving River, our love two steps closer to heaven.
Dedicated to Rome that fell
My lovely new friend showed me through her stream of loving that I am a barriered sanctuary. My arms outstretched to help yet when it comes to a man- he will have a time where he will need to persevere to get within my Eden. Eden is my deep emotional ground. The place where nobody but God and I dwell. So many try to get in yet this city still stands. It's not that I'm hard, siddity, or maybe I held unto the hurt of broken trust too long. I refuse to afford another round of broken heart, broken expectation, brokenness of my will, brokenness of mind. A broken spirit who has to gather the last girth and mirth she has within her to survive. I love hard, and I love unconditionally- so for you to break me like that and walk away- I don't have time for trifles. If you come with honesty and seriousness- I will answer to it and gradually open passage. Key word is gradual, I've jumped before and busted my face too many times. The little naive girl grew up, she learned to guard, she learned to be wise about her fragile heart. I already give a lot of myself to those around me- honesty is not a problem, care is not a problem, yet you cannot expect to walk in and rearrange my inner-sanctum to your liking. It took years to put all things proper in their place, to heal, to remove incorrect blockages, to drain the pipes of pain, to paint my mind the colors of hope, to expect greatness instead of shadiness. The peace which permeates my whole being is unexplainable so I can't just hand you the key. You've got to earn your trust. #thatsall
My friend confidence in reciprocated love flows like a river. She flows on and on- it keeps moving undeterred of obstacles, the hard rocks of desolation, the cesspools of bitter pain, the caves of obscurity. Her faith in love confidently flows forth like the Nile birthing new unions upon arrival of a fertilized field. I admire her courage. It strengthens me to vulnerability. To maybe just believe that I'd make it past another destroyed expectation. Yet I'm not in a hurry nor am I in desperation. My spirit sings within me that in due timing my love will come. Until then- enjoy the scenery, observe, and learn the laws that govern this intricate universe.
However, I never want to end up loving like broken battlefield. It's grounds soaked in the blood of its victims. Their bodies crying out to the living to avert their impending disaster. So many beautiful gardens disguise a massacre so atrocious; the stench alone would suffocate the life of the well-intentioned. Another grenade goes off, and another one bites the dust. Their survivors just shake their head in utter disbelief, words fail them to explain the abominable valley they went through. "Psycho, maniac, needy, dude..I just..vigorous smh" -all they can come up with to explain the fierce deception they endured. A broken battlefield needs to be disarmed, uprooting all the emotional minefields, the ground fertilized with hope to sprout flowers full with the aroma of innocence again. The little girl needing to be raised from the abyss of torture to see skies of possibility again. A task better left for Divine love.
I love. You Love. They Love.
one form my poison, His form my Life-Giving River, our love two steps closer to heaven.
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